Life Rolling... ACTION! (insecure)

After I said “yes”

A different and new chapter of my life began.

Different and unrecognised words that would become

Part of my vocabulary were created,

A whole new world was born and started existing,

A new script was written and new actors were cast.

The camera was opened and rolling:

This was to be the transitional period of my life.

Still transitioning…

This is it.

This is what I wanted, I asked for this; BEGGED for it.

I would have traded my life for this.

But if only I knew then that that package

Would give me what I wanted and snatch something more

With its left hand.

I have learned now that wishes made

In times of naïve desperateness come true, to some detriment,

And wishes experience teaches us to make  

Turn out to be the wildest of distant dreams

That are barely even dreamed.

I realise now that a casket, no matter its beauty is never an abode

The homeless man wishes for.

I brought myself here,

I forged these shackles from my naivety

And now I won’t break away from them,

Because I have fallen too deeply in love with them perhaps

Or because they keep me safe from the harm

I could run into again, or maybe I say they keep me safe

Because I am severely stricken with love for them.

Maybe I have a serious case of Stockholm’s disease.

I want to go beyond the horizon

But this box shuts me off from trying to dream.

I want to dare to dream but I am afraid to fall asleep.

I’m afraid if I fall asleep I may never wake up,

I’m afraid I’ll lose the will to live when the reality of those

Dreams hit me.

I feel like I’ve got the ticket to travel the universe

And explore, but the voices which formed that box weigh me down

And my shackles won’t let go.

I see the light up ahead but I dissuade myself from

Believing it’s a path that leads away from Amistad.

I am just a little black bird

Who wants to sing and flaunt his endowment that man

Remains eternally jealous of,

I’m a little black bird who wants to fly high

And live where the leaves of the trees are fresh

But I choose to live in the clouds where none of those voices can be heard.

Damn! I just decided to still live in that suffocating box!

So, this is me;

The panic of growing older still fluttering Its wings,

Life rolling and no action.